Are Women Actually Happy With Modern Dating? - Louise Perry (4K)

Is Marriage Still Useful? (00:00:00)

• 40% of young adults view marriage as outdated.
• High rates of children not living with their biological father may influence views on marriage and family.
• René Girard's concept of mimetic desire suggests the decline of family models leads to fewer people desiring to form families.
• Birth rates are falling well below replacement level in many countries.
• Social norms greatly influence personal desires and life choices, including family and fertility.

Society is Becoming More Prudish (00:02:38)

• Society oscillates between periods of prudishness and licentiousness; it is currently transitioning to prudishness.
• Technological advancements like the pill have removed previous limitations on sexual behavior.
• The "goop class," those concerned with wellness, are exploring alternatives to hormonal birth control like fertility tracking.
• Despite an uptick in non-hormonal birth control methods, the pill remains widely used.
• Elite segments of society may adopt a more restrained sexual culture due to better impulse control.
• Conscientiousness is heritable, potentially leading to an evolutionary shift towards certain traits.
• Discussions on historical eugenics emphasize its once mainstream appeal, but modern views are shaped by past misuses, like forced sterilization.
• Younger generations are showing signs of desiring less sexual content in entertainment.

Young People’s Views on Sex in Movies (00:11:52)

• Teen study suggests sex isn't necessary for plot development in movies/TV, with many youths preferring less romance and more platonic relationships depicted.
• The discomfort among young people, including both male and females, may be due to various factors such as porn culture backlash, increased conservativism from differential fertility, and potential hormonal influences like low testosterone levels in men.

Birth Control is Making Weak Men (00:15:05)

• Male testosterone levels are influenced by the fertility of surrounding women.
• Artificial suppression of fertility through birth control affects men's attraction cues.
• Hormonal birth control leads women to prefer provider-type men over protectors.
• Men are experiencing lower testosterone levels yearly for unknown reasons, with birth control as a possible factor.
• The reduction in testosterone may impact society in various ways such as military recruitment and the desire for aggressive behaviors.

The Gen-Z Pushback Against Romance (00:20:19)

• Romance's importance in relationships is changing, with some indicating a move away from traditional romance.
• Societal narratives are shifting to promote independence rather than the need for a significant other.
• Second-wave feminism emphasized women achieving what was traditionally expected of men, potentially decreasing men's perceived value.
• Technological advancement and access to education have lessened the importance of physical strength, inadvertently giving women advantages in the modern, brain-based economy.
• The gender pay gap is largely due to top male earners and maternity impacts; outside of these factors, women may earn more throughout most income distributions.

Is Patriarchy the Best System? (00:25:23)

• Patriarchal societies have historically sustained themselves, potentially due to reproduction necessities.
• Career and motherhood present conflicts for women, leading to choices that affect birth rates.
• Cultural sustainability may be at risk due to falling birth rates; current preferences place individual success over having children.

How Culture Impacts Our Views of Sex (00:27:54)

• Human culture previously promoted long-term planning over short-term desires.
• This effect of culture made people more 'long-termist', especially in the context of having children.
• The evolution of contraception has changed the dynamic, with sex no longer necessarily leading to children.
• There are still cultures and individuals who value traditional family structures and choose to have many children.
• Mainstream culture is not encouraging long-term family investment.
• The low fertility rates in countries like South Korea pose significant population risks, akin to an evolutionary bottleneck.
• The threat posed by declining birth rates is a unique population risk, as it lacks immediate warnings and emerges due to an aging population and reduced birth rates simultaneously.

Modern Prioritization of Pleasure and Declining Birth Rates

• The contemporary prioritization of immediate pleasure and personal freedom is contributing to declining birth rates.
• This shift in priorities can be seen in the example of a TikTok user who listed reasons against having kids, emphasizing personal convenience and lifestyle preferences.
• Meanwhile, the intangible joy and profound experiences brought about by having children are difficult to encapsulate but are powerful reasons that some believe should be considered.
• Societal emphasis on short-term gain and personal comfort may be overpowering the desire for long-term fulfillment through raising children.

Are Women Happier Now Than 70 Years Ago? (00:33:00)

• Women are generally not happier with modern sexual culture compared to 60-70 years ago, with exceptions being notable outliers.
• In the past, a mildly patriarchal system was common with distinct gender roles; men were typically involved in public life and women handled tasks compatible with childcare.
• The breadwinner model, where men earned the money and women did housework and childcare, worked fine except in cases where the husband was tyrannical.
• Nowadays, there's an added burden on women who must manage disproportionate amounts of childcare, housework, and professional employment (the "second shift").
• It has been found that gender inequality in pay leads to higher satisfaction in relationships for both men and women, and stay-at-home dads are more likely to lead to divorce.
• Domestic violence is likely to increase if the woman is the primary breadwinner, as this changes the male partner's mate retention strategy.
• Despite historical changes, there is still a perception that masculine activities are of higher status than feminine ones, creating an imbalance in societal participation.

Societal Perceptions and Division of Labor [Discussion Continuation]

• No significant movement of men into traditionally female roles has occurred because these roles lack status.
• The culture is not seen as misogynistic; rather, it has a tendency to love and prefer women but not necessarily respect them in the same sense that men are respected.
• Women are often viewed as intermediary between men and children, leading to their being treated with affection but lesser status.
• The changes since the sexual revolution have benefited women with more masculine traits much more than most women, who do not desire to emulate male behavior.
• It is a misconception that maternal instinct is a myth created by men; most women are not made happier by attempting to live like men.
• The role of female CEOs is growing, but the appealing title of CEO may not align with the desires of many women who do not wish for the associated stress and responsibilities.

10 Years On From #MeToo (00:43:55)

• Some men express fear of being falsely accused post #MeToo and are more reluctant to approach women, while sexually aggressive men haven't changed their behavior.
• Interventions like #MeToo are applied to a normal distribution of behaviors, aiming to target aggressive individuals but often affecting non-aggressive men.
• An imbalance exists where some men commit multiple assaults and some women are repeat victims.
• Criminals can often identify certain women as more likely to be victimized based on their demeanor, though this is not victim-blaming.
• There's a disconnect between the public narrative of empowering women to behave freely and the private guidance of safety and precaution.
• The advice given to daughters would differ from that to sons, such as avoiding going to a stranger's house after meeting.
• Public figures have a responsibility to tell the truth to young women who may not receive private advice.

Cultural Surrogate Mothers and the Line Between Consensual and Good

• The #MeToo movement brought attention to criminal behavior and also to acts that were not criminal but still harmful.
• The current feminist vocabulary lacks terms to describe bad behavior that isn't illegal, confining the narrative to a consensual vs. non-consensual dichotomy.
• The concept of chivalry should be retained as it acknowledges the physical and psychological differences between the sexes and promotes women's safety.
• The wisdom of Chesterton's fence analogy is invoked, suggesting society should understand the reasons for societal structures before dismantling them.
• Technological advancements, such as birth control, have had significant impacts on family dynamics and gender roles, often more than feminist discourse or actions.

Miscellaneous Discussion Points

• Phyllis Schlafly, anti-Equal Rights Amendment campaigner, argued that men and women are not the same and this difference should be recognized legally to protect women's interests.
• The lack of societal acknowledgment that men and women are different can lead to unintended consequences, like the potential drafting of women into combat due to a misinterpretation of equality.
• Schlafly's campaign effectively halted the Equal Rights Amendment, although she was a controversial figure with perspectives bound to her time.

Why Men Aren’t Approaching Women (00:55:20)

• Many men, especially those aged 18 to 30, have not approached a woman in the last year, potentially due to fear of rejection or consequences post #MeToo.
• Historically, starting relationships via in-person introductions, such as through family or community connections, was the norm, not meeting strangers in bars.
• The expectation for an economic and reproductive partnership did not always include being best friends with one’s spouse, which may explain some modern approach anxiety in men.
• Modern aversion to approaching potential partners isn't necessarily new and reflects changing social dynamics.
• The concept of "big romance" where a spouse fulfils every need may be setting unrealistic expectations for marriage.

Historical Context and Modern Ideologies [Discussion Throughout]

• Throughout history, marriage and relationships were often semi-arranged, involving economic and social considerations rather than purely romantic connections.
• Post-sexual revolution, the transient phase of meeting partners spontaneously may actually not align with historical practices.
• The idea of a perfect, all-fulfilling marriage is a relatively new concept, influenced by affluence and changing social expectations and may contribute to the strain and failure of modern marriages.
• Women, suggested to cultivate receptiveness to aid in their dating prospects, might need to adjust behaviors to current societal norms, considering male approach anxiety.

Interactions and Perceptions in Modern Dating [Further Discussion]

• Women sending clear indicators of interest may help men overcome approach anxiety in the current dating climate.
• Some men might struggle to pick up on subtle social cues due to generally lower emotional intelligence compared to women.
• The culture of expecting your partner to 'benefit' and 'help you grow' clashes with more historical ideologies of marriage.
• Alcohol can exacerbate men's false perceptions of sexual interest, adding complexity to modern dating interactions.
• Educating on consent and addressing mixed signals in social situations such as parties could be parents' responsibility.

Victim Blaming and Social Conservatism [Conclusion]

• Conversations around victim blaming and women's self-expression can be challenging due to strong empathetic responses.
• Acknowledging that dressing modestly can impact how women are perceived may be necessary but should not equate to justifying victimization.
• Conservatives face rhetorical challenges when suggesting traditional approaches could have value in the modern context.
• Recognizing trade-offs in any cultural practice is essential for a balanced understanding of societal dynamics.

The Mental Health Crisis of Girls (01:10:49)

• A significant percentage of young girls aged 12 to 16 experience regular feelings of hopelessness.
• Contributing factors to young women's mental health issues include social media, which girls use differently from boys, often to harm one another.
• Social media perpetuates mental illnesses such as anorexia and tics acquired from TikTok.
• This sensitivity can misfire with harmful effects, with platforms like Instagram and TikTok exacerbating issues by setting unrealistic standards of beauty and competition.
• There is an observed social contagion in FTM (female-to-male) transitions, where clusters of diagnoses occur among friend groups rather than uniformly across populations, shifting from previously male-dominated patterns.
• A study in Finland attributed 15% of negative mental health outcomes in teenage girls to birth control use, with concerns about permanent mental health consequences if hormonal birth control is used during brain development.
• Chemical castration as an alternative to prison time for pedophiles is viewed with skepticism, despite its voluntary nature in some countries.
• The rampant use of mind-altering hormonal birth control in young girls receives little scrutiny, while the use of pharmacological methods for criminal offenders is controversial.
• Parents face dilemmas when choosing between the risks of hormonal birth control for their daughters and the potential consequences of teenage pregnancy.

Do Pedophiles Need Sympathy? (01:19:09)

• There is a belief that non-offending pedophiles deserve sympathy, supported by scientific studies showing pedophilia as a sexual orientation that elicits arousal, which neuroscientists have presented in studies using FMRI.
• This view suggests that pedophilia is not under voluntary control, which creates discomfort for many who would rather believe it is a manifestation of evil.
• Comparisons are drawn between the sympathies extended to gay men, who historically faced similar stigmatization, and the need for understanding pedophilia despite its potential to harm non-consenting individuals.
• The discomfort and preference for control-styled explanations is seen in events like the COVID-19 pandemic, where a lab leak was more comforting to some than the randomness of a mutation, reflecting a general human bias to seek patterns and control in complex systems, such as international conflicts or natural events.
• This bias towards attributing events to controllable sequences rather than random occurrences is called compensatory control, which resembles magical thinking and a desire for control over seemingly random events.

Why Women Support Body Positivity (01:23:08)

• The Rivalry theory of body positivity suggests that female support for the movement may be partially driven by a form of intersexual competition that sidelines other women by discouraging weight loss.
• Sexual attractiveness is perceived as a rigidly hierarchical system, harsher for women in terms of physicality and for men in terms of status.
• Many people, particularly those with egalitarian views, find it difficult to accept the reality of this hierarchy, especially if they are lower in the perceived order.
• Some individuals attempt to shift societal norms, like persuading men to change their attractiveness standards or influencing media representation, despite the resistance of human nature to such changes.
• A discussion takes place on the immovability of human nature, with cultural structures either incentivizing or dissuading certain behaviors.
• The conversation also touches on the argument that a lack of attraction to a transgender person is often incorrectly labeled as transphobia, highlighting a disconnect with reality.
• There is a recognition of the social minefield that transgender individuals navigate, requiring them to rely on the continuous goodwill of others for emotional stability.
• The dialogue reflects on the cruelty of encouraging irreversible surgeries for transgender individuals, leading to a lifelong dependence on the kindness of strangers.
• Douglas Murray is quoted saying true equality is when all individuals deal with the same level of hardships without special treatment.
• The discussion concludes by considering the complexity within LGBTQ+ subgroups and the desire for respect and equal treatment without being patronized.

The Normalisation of Cosmetic Surgery (01:27:50)

• Women have a seemingly endless desire for beauty enhancement and will spend significantly on it.
• The beauty industry thrives on technological innovation, driving the cost down over time as procedures become common.
• Societal grooming standards for women have escalated, now including expensive treatments like fillers and Botox.
• The beauty market is insatiable due to continuous technological advancements, with a focus on maintaining youth and aesthetics.
• The increased demand for beauty products and services has led to a higher baseline of beauty maintenance.

Intersexual Competition and Luxury Goods [Not Provided]

• Women's pursuit of beauty and luxury goods is driven by competition among peers rather than just to attract men.
• Signs of mate investment, like expensive gifts from spouses, are used for competitive displays among women.
• Studies suggest women high in intersexual competitiveness may sabotage rivals' attractiveness by advising excessive haircuts.
• There are parallel status games for women: one to attract men with youthfulness and fertility, another for high-status signaling.
• Fashion trends sometimes diverge from what is attractive to men due to influences like the significant role of gay men in the industry.
• Companies like Victoria's Secret are returning to using conventionally attractive models after experimenting with diverse representations.
• Fashion brands have leveraged exclusivity by limiting sizes available and aligning with certain body types, though some are now changing their strategies to be more inclusive.