Do Women Actually Like Nice Guys? - Dr Robert Glover

Do Women Actually Like Nice Guys? - Dr Robert Glover

Nice Guy Syndrome

  • Nice guys inaccurately internalize the belief that they are not okay just as they are, leading them to try to become what they think everyone else wants them to be.
  • Nice guys tend to be unauthentic, dishonest, untrustworthy, frustrated, resentful, and passive-aggressive.
  • The prototypical nice guy is someone who tries to make everyone happy, avoids conflict, and goes along to get along.
  • Nice guys often attribute their niceness to their upbringing, either by fathers who were emotionally unavailable or by fathers who were nice guys themselves.
  • Nice guys are often resentful and angry because they don't get back what they think they deserve.
  • Nice guys may feel emasculated because they don't express anger or aggression.
  • Shame and anxiety are core foundations of nice guy syndrome.
  • Nice guys and jerks are both on the same continuum of fight, flight, or freeze mode of managing their internal states of anxiety.
  • Safety and reassurance are at the core of the "nice guy" behavior, stemming from a deep-seated fear of abandonment.
  • "Nice guys" may have perfectionistic expectations of themselves, leading to constant anxiety.
  • Fear of success is a common anxiety among "nice guys," as they worry about the consequences of achieving their full potential.
  • "Nice guys" often engage in self-sabotage, preventing themselves from reaching their full potential.
  • Dishonesty, manipulation, and a lack of healthy boundaries are common traits among "nice guys," particularly in relationships.
  • The "nice guy" behavior can manifest differently in different areas of life, with some individuals exhibiting it primarily in relationships while others display it more in professional settings.
  • Individual differences in temperament and life experiences can influence the specific ways in which "nice guy" tendencies manifest.
  • "Nice guys" often hide things about themselves, particularly those that might cause negative reactions from others.
  • Nice guys often hide their needs and wants because they believe that expressing them will draw negative attention and reactions from others.
  • This behavior stems from early childhood experiences where they may have been neglected or punished for expressing their needs.
  • As a result, they develop coping mechanisms such as overeating, compulsive social media use, or substance abuse to manage their discomfort.
  • Nice guys often have difficulty receiving help from others because they believe that it makes them vulnerable and indebted to others.
  • This behavior robs others of the enjoyment of helping them and can hinder the development of healthy relationships.

Attraction and Relationships

  • The feminine is attracted to men who are centered, differentiated, and on purpose, not those who seek feminine approval.
  • Seeking feminine approval is a trap that leads to a never-ending cycle of validation-seeking.
  • Self-validation and living life on one's own terms make men more attractive to the feminine.
  • Nice guys often misunderstand female attraction because they rely on outdated advice, such as being a gentleman and opening doors for women.
  • Attraction involves polarity, which includes dominance and submission. Without polarity, there is no attraction.
  • Polarity can be flipped back and forth in conscious relationships, and it is not always the man who has to be dominant.
  • Women often feel burdened when men are too compliant and leave all decisions up to them.
  • Emotional tension plays a role in female attraction and attachment, while men generally dislike emotional tension in relationships.
  • Men and women experience emotional tension differently.
  • Women need emotional tension to feel something and to want to engage.
  • Men tend to relieve women's tension by listening to them talk about their problems, which can actually work against them.
  • Playfulness is a key element in successful relationships and can help relieve tension and seriousness.
  • When listening to your partner, give them your undivided attention for a set amount of time, such as five minutes, to show that you value their thoughts and feelings.
  • Use playful banter and humor to connect with your partner and create a light-hearted atmosphere.
  • Avoid being too rigid or serious in your interactions, and allow for movement and spontaneity.
  • Don't be afraid to show your silly side and let your hair down with your partner.
  • Practice self-awareness and avoid the need for constant validation or always having the right answers.
  • Encourage playfulness in conversations by making jokes, referencing past events, or taking the conversation in unexpected directions.
  • Trust your instincts and act on impulses, as this allows your authentic self to come out and can lead to positive experiences.

Societal and Cultural Influences

  • There are more fighter pilots in the US Air Force than male kindergarten teachers.
  • Historically, boys were initiated into manhood by men, but today there is no such initiation to teach them how to face their fears and quit seeking the approval of women.
  • Pursuing women and trying to please them doesn't make them interested in you.

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