How To Control Your Emotions & Become Mentally Strong - Dr K HealthyGamer (4K)

How To Control Your Emotions & Become Mentally Strong - Dr K HealthyGamer (4K)

What is Technology Doing To Our Brains? (00:00:00)

  • Technology, particularly social media, video games, and pornography, can have suppressive effects on negative emotions, providing temporary relief but causing long-term problems.
  • Chronic avoidance of negative emotions, such as anxiety and shame, prevents personal growth and problem-solving.
  • Technology facilitates escapism, making it easier to avoid confronting and overcoming issues.
  • Social media significantly contributes to the rise in anxiety, depression, and feelings of listlessness and hopelessness, especially among younger generations.
  • Dr. K discusses his negative relationship with his phone and social media despite their success.
  • Dr. K believes the root of his negative relationship with technology is shame rather than anger or paranoia.
  • Dr. K suggests that the antidote to shame is to understand its source.
  • Dr. K believes that Chris's self-improvement journey is a way to escape a version of himself that was ashamed.

How to Deal With Shame (00:07:28)

  • Emotions are learned responses to experiences, and unprocessed negative experiences can lead to trauma.
  • Processing emotions involves examining them from different perspectives and understanding their root causes, especially shame, which can lead to negative self-identities and conclusions.
  • Breathing exercises can help reduce the activity of negative emotional circuitry, as our breathing patterns convey our emotions to others due to our deeply wired empathic circuitry.
  • Emotions impact our identity and ego, forming the basis of our logic and influencing our behaviors.
  • To manage emotions, we can reduce their intensity, critically examine our conclusions about the world, and pay attention to how these conclusions become automatic behaviors.
  • Undigested emotional energy or trauma in the subconscious generates schemas (automatic thoughts) and narcissistic defense mechanisms that influence our behaviors, according to Western psychology.
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) explores the relationship between our thoughts, feelings, and actions, providing a framework for understanding and managing our emotions.

The Terrifying Survival Feature of Trauma (00:14:56)

  • Our memory after a traumatic event can color our memories before that event.
  • Negative experiences can bias our recollections of the past.
  • Our brain is biased towards the negative as a survival mechanism.
  • We can feel the pain of a future loss today but not the pleasure of a future win.
  • Understand that our brain is biased towards the negative.
  • Be aware of our assumptions and biases.
  • Challenge our negative thoughts and beliefs.
  • Practice mindfulness and meditation to train our minds to focus on the present.
  • Seek professional help if needed.

Why Anxiety is So Prevalent Today (00:18:40)

  • Anxiety and depression are often rooted in a lack of attention, with depression focused on the past and anxiety focused on the future.
  • Western treatments for anxiety and depression involve medications that dull brain activity, while Eastern perspectives emphasize the importance of being present.
  • Addiction can be a way to escape negative thoughts and emotions, while video games can bring our attention to the present but relying on them excessively can weaken our frontal lobes and impair our ability to control our minds.
  • The increase in depression and anxiety is linked to attentional problems caused by technology, which captivates our attention and disrupts our natural mental processes.
  • Video games provide an illusion of failure without real consequences, which confuses the brain and makes it harder to deal with difficulties and rejections in real life.

How to Deal Better With Emotions (00:27:27)

  • Emotions are physiological responses, not just mental experiences.
  • Men are often conditioned to experience a limited range of emotions, primarily anger.
  • To reconnect with their emotions, men can pay attention to physical sensations in their bodies and use their rational minds to identify the emotions they are feeling.
  • Alexithymia is a condition where individuals have difficulty identifying and expressing their emotions.
  • Normative male alexithymia is a common condition where men are unaware of their internal emotional states.
  • Numbing emotions doesn't make them disappear; they still affect behavior.
  • Technology is helping to reduce the differences in alexithymia between men and women.
  • Being unaware of emotions doesn't prevent them from affecting behavior.
  • Unrecognized emotional barriers can lead to feelings of paralysis and being stuck.
  • Hidden emotions can motivate individuals to avoid certain actions or responsibilities.

Opening Up About Your Feelings (00:33:40)

  • Not opening up about your vulnerabilities doesn't make you less vulnerable, it just makes you less truthful.
  • Talking about negative emotions can help reduce their intensity by releasing the pent-up energy in the mind.
  • Keeping positive things secret can be motivating, but it can also prevent you from taking action.
  • Talking about positive things may decrease the likelihood of you doing them, while not talking about negative things can cause them to build up internally.
  • Understand that emotions are signals that provide information about your needs and wants.
  • Don't judge or suppress your emotions; instead, acknowledge and accept them.
  • Practice mindfulness to become more aware of your emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behaviors.
  • Use cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques to challenge negative thoughts and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
  • Seek professional help if you're struggling to manage your emotions on your own.

Can You Have Too Much Self-Awareness? (00:37:38)

  • Excessive self-awareness can lead to hypervigilance and hypersensitivity, causing a lack of control over attention.
  • To manage excessive self-awareness, one should focus their attention like a laser beam, rather than letting it spread diffusely.
  • Trataka (fixed point gazing) and Thoa (not blinking while gazing at a fixed point) are two simple practices that help train attention and develop a sense of control and strength.
  • Trataka involves staring at a candle flame until discomfort is felt, but not to the point of pain, and can be started with 30 to 60 seconds of gazing and gradually increased to 2-4 minutes.
  • After Trataka, one can close their eyes and see the afterimage of the candle flame in negative, which can be continued for 15-20 minutes.

The Antidote to a Distracted Mind (00:45:28)

  • The "stare at a wall" practice helps individuals reconnect with themselves and gain clarity amidst constant external distractions.
  • Spending time alone with our thoughts can uncover dormant emotional scars and negative experiences buried deep within our subconscious.
  • Overcoming the fear of being alone and learning to find contentment within oneself is a powerful realization that can be achieved through this practice.
  • Dr. K discusses how to control emotions and become mentally strong.
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Learning About Your Own Thoughts (00:50:57)

  • Dr. K describes his journey of self-inquiry and the process of uncovering both positive and negative aspects of himself.
  • He explains that initially, he focused on developing a still mind and body through meditation.
  • Dr. K then progressed to noticing thoughts as they arise and is now exploring the motivations and patterns behind these thoughts.
  • He emphasizes the importance of understanding the source of obsessions and how they can eventually dissolve.
  • Dr. K highlights the significance of emotional processing and how modern life often lacks the time for it, leading to a buildup of negativity.
  • He suggests that with time and effort, positivity can be found and negativity can dissolve if it is not continuously fed.
  • Dr. K discusses the concept of emotional regulation and its importance in mental strength.
  • He explains that emotions are not inherently good or bad, but it is how we respond to them that matters.
  • Dr. K emphasizes the need to develop emotional awareness and the ability to identify and understand our emotions.
  • He suggests practicing mindfulness and meditation to cultivate emotional awareness and regulation skills.
  • Dr. K highlights the importance of self-compassion and avoiding self-judgment when experiencing difficult emotions.
  • He encourages individuals to seek support from friends, family, or professionals when struggling with emotional regulation.

How to Do Well in Therapy (00:55:28)

  • Therapy is a collaborative partnership between the client and the therapist, not a competition or a test.
  • Find the right therapist by trying out multiple therapists until you find one you feel comfortable with.
  • If something is not working in therapy, communicate your concerns to your therapist.
  • Therapy provides a safe space to express emotions without worrying about consequences, allowing individuals to practice expressing difficult emotions in a controlled environment.
  • Unlike emotional support from partners, therapy offers a relationship where the individual's thoughts and feelings can be examined without concern for the other person's opinion.
  • Therapy can be particularly beneficial for men who often rely on their partners for emotional support and may struggle after a breakup.
  • Therapy provides an opportunity to explore sensitive topics, such as sexual thoughts or dreams, with compassion and understanding from the therapist.

Why Therapy Sucks for Men (01:02:41)

  • Therapy may not be the most effective way to handle emotions, especially for men, as it often focuses on talking about problems rather than solving them.
  • Men are more likely to prefer problem-solving, while therapy training discourages therapists from solving patients' problems.
  • The rise in diseases of despair among men, many of whom have no history of mental illness, highlights the need for a different approach to men's mental health.
  • Coaching, which focuses on material outcomes and goal achievement, can be a valuable tool for men seeking to improve their lives.
  • Therapy can be highly effective, especially for men, when it focuses on action-oriented solutions and understanding the impact of emotions on actions.
  • Sex differences in brain function, with male brains moving linearly from perception to action, may contribute to the challenges men face in expressing emotions.
  • Therapy provides insights and identifies patterns that individuals may not be able to see on their own, helping them understand their behavior and its origins.
  • The value of working with a therapist lies in their ability to provide professional guidance based on specialized training and offer a clearer perspective on problems.
  • The effectiveness of therapy depends on an individual's level of introspection and willingness to engage in the process.
  • Coaching programs, like the Creator Coaching Program, can provide skills and insights to help individuals overcome obstacles and achieve their goals.
  • Organizations like the International Coaching Federation focus on helping people achieve their goals, and many companies employ coaches to support their employees.

How Important is Talking for Men? (01:15:42)

  • Crafting beautiful sentences often sacrifices accuracy for aesthetics, and emotional healing doesn't necessarily have to come solely through words.
  • Men may benefit from instrumental support and emotional healing through spirituality or religious rituals.
  • The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) involves tapping on various body parts to release emotions and heal trauma.
  • Studies over the last 10 years suggest that physical experiences can be effective in controlling emotions, although there may be some methodological issues.

A Better Movement for Masculinity (01:20:32)

  • The manosphere has evolved from pickup artistry to red pill ideology, which emphasizes physicality as a means of dealing with emotions.
  • Many red pill adherents have experienced trauma related to women, contributing to their reluctance to engage in emotional work.
  • Adopting disrespectful attitudes towards women can create a self-fulfilling prophecy where men's negative expectations become a reality.
  • Transactional relationships involve an expectation of receiving something in return for actions or gifts, and individuals who consistently find themselves in such relationships may unknowingly attract partners interested in transactional dynamics.

Why YouTubers Are Quitting (01:25:56)

  • Content creators face unique challenges, including constant exposure to online toxicity and the pressure to produce new content, leading to emotional burnout and mental health issues.
  • Burnout negatively impacts content quality, creating a vicious cycle where creators struggle to produce engaging content.
  • The isolating nature of content creation and the public's perception of creators as privileged can prevent them from expressing their struggles and seeking support.
  • Content creators are just as vulnerable to emotional pain and mental health issues as anyone else and deserve compassion.
  • Constant public scrutiny and judgment can be detrimental to content creators' mental health.
  • Psychosis, the presence of delusions or hallucinations, can significantly impact a person's life.
  • Compassion and understanding should be extended to all individuals, regardless of their actions or beliefs.
  • Peer support is a valuable resource for overcoming addiction, and personal experiences can provide valuable insights.
  • The internet's structure often presents inflammatory snippets without context, leading to brutal criticism and negative impacts on individuals.
  • Constantly seeking validation through social media likes and followers can create a cycle of unattainable goals and dissatisfaction.

Stop Moving the Goalposts (01:41:31)

  • Appreciating and being grateful for all wins, regardless of their size, is important for emotional well-being.
  • Comparing oneself to others is unfair and inaccurate, as everyone has unique circumstances and advantages.
  • Separating one's sense of self-worth from accomplishments and external validation is crucial for emotional well-being.
  • Focusing on outcomes for self-worth leads to a cycle of never feeling good enough.
  • Ego dissolution, as experienced during certain psychedelic experiences, correlates with healing and increased contentment.

What Does it Mean to Dissolve Ego? (01:54:54)

  • The ego is an illusion composed of labels and abstractions that do not define our true identity.
  • True identity lies in the sense of experience, not in external judgments or labels.
  • The ego causes suffering by attaching to identities and experiencing pride or shame based on external factors.
  • The best moments in life occur when we let go of our ego and fully experience the present moment.
  • Self-worth should not be tied to external outcomes or material possessions.
  • Focus on actions within your control rather than outcomes beyond your control.
  • Mistakes and shortcomings should not define self-worth but can serve as motivation for improvement.
  • Compassion for oneself and others is a genuine strength that eliminates ego by shifting focus from oneself to others.
  • Compassion is supported by religious, spiritual, psychological, and neuroscience principles.
  • People who harshly judge others online often lack compassion due to their own unfulfilled lives.

Where to Find Dr K (02:05:38)

  • Dr K's new book, "How to Raise a Healthy Gamer," focuses on parenting in the digital age and equips parents to help their children develop healthy relationships with technology.
  • Dr K's upcoming trauma guide delves into how experiences shape individuals, including their physiology, emotions, identity, and self-worth.
  • The guide aims to explain why people feel powerless and provides insights into overcoming these challenges.
  • The trauma guide will be available on the Healthy Gamer website.
  • Dr K's YouTube channel, Healthy Gamer GG, provides valuable content related to mental health and personal growth.

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