Huge New Study Reveals What People Really Want In A Partner - Dr Paul Eastwick
14 Sep 2024 (23 days ago)
Stated vs. Revealed Preferences
- People generally agree that traits like attractiveness, intelligence, consideration, and honesty are desirable in a romantic partner. They also agree that traits like disorganization, carelessness, anxiety, and being easily upset are undesirable in a partner. (40s)
- There is a distinction between stated preferences and revealed preferences. Stated preferences refer to what people say they want in a partner, while revealed preferences refer to what attributes actually predict liking in potential partners. (4m36s)
Measuring Revealed Preferences
- Revealed preferences can be measured in various ways, such as through speed dating scenarios where participants rate their liking for individuals with varying levels of a particular attribute. (5m32s)
- A study was conducted with 10,000 participants from 43 countries, some of whom were single and some in relationships. Participants were asked to report on a person they were interested in dating but not currently dating. (7m7s)
Importance of "Good Lover"
- Participants rated their potential partners on 35 different attributes, including their attractiveness, intelligence, and how good of a lover they were. (7m30s)
- The study found that while participants ranked "good lover" as 12th in their stated preferences, it was the strongest predictor of how positively they felt about a potential partner. (8m30s)
- People strongly prioritize a "good lover" in partners based on revealed preferences, even though it ranks lower in stated preferences. (14m37s)
Other Revealed Preferences
- The attribute "smells good" is ranked as more important in revealed preferences compared to stated preferences. (14m54s)
- People underestimate the importance of physical attributes related to intimacy, such as being a good lover and smelling good. (22m36s)
Gender Differences in Preferences
- While both men and women underestimate the importance of attractiveness, women underestimate it to a greater degree. (17m32s)
- Women overestimate and men underestimate the importance of certain attributes in a partner, such as having a good job. (19m10s)
Long-Term Relationship Preferences
- While initial attraction is important, traits like loyalty, honesty, and understanding are also highly valued in long-term partners. (24m49s)
- As people get to know each other over time, consensus on attributes like attractiveness tends to decrease, leading to more divergent opinions. (24m51s)
Alternative Avenues for Connection
- For those who are not conventionally attractive, there are other avenues to form connections, particularly through repeated interactions where people get to know each other better. (25m13s)
Desirable Partner Traits
- People desire excitement and inspiration from their partners, wanting them to help in becoming closer to their ideal selves. (25m42s)
- Trustworthiness is important but must be balanced with excitement; people want partners who are reliable but not overly predictable. (26m37s)
- Close relationships are inherently risky because they involve vulnerability and the potential for exploitation, which is why loyalty is highly valued. (27m10s)
Partner Influence
- Partners tend to absorb each other's traits, which can include both positive and negative attributes, such as anxiety or even body odor. (28m11s)
Relationship Dynamics
- Initiating new relationships can be exciting due to the self-expansion experience, where partners introduce each other to new activities and perspectives. (29m5s)
- Preferences for traits like being a good lover or smelling good may reflect a desire to avoid the absence of those traits, though it is difficult to distinguish these effects in data. (29m42s)
Predicting Preferences
- People are better at predicting what others want, rather than what they say they want. (36m45s)
- There is a difference between stated preferences and revealed preferences, with researchers often more interested in revealed preferences. (37m17s)
Online Dating and Revealed Preferences
- Online dating services could potentially utilize revealed preferences and self-reported data to improve matchmaking accuracy, but more research is needed to determine if this is possible. (41m48s)
Positive Perception in Happy Relationships
- People in happy relationships tend to view their partner's traits positively, even if those traits have negative aspects. (44m11s)
Limitations of Online Dating Algorithms
- Online dating algorithms are good at predicting initial attraction (swiping right) but not long-term compatibility. (45m21s)
Importance of Social Connections
- While improving one's attributes (e.g., physical fitness) is beneficial, building social connections and networks is crucial for creating meaningful relationship opportunities. (47m50s)
Unpredictability of Love
- Humans are not good at predicting the exponential growth and changes that occur within social networks. (48m23s)
- The feeling of falling in love is unpredictable and cannot be measured or described scientifically. (49m12s)
Challenges in Finding Partners
- While some people struggle to find a partner, others may excel at initial attraction but possess undesirable personality traits that make maintaining a relationship difficult. (53m1s)
Anxiety and Trust
- People's anxiety levels can be reduced when they are around people they trust and feel safe with. (54m16s)
Gender and Partner Preferences
- The speaker believes that both men and women are attracted to partners with resources and status, regardless of gender. (56m55s)
Self-Objectification and Income Inequality
- Candice Blake's research suggests that women are more likely to self-objectify in areas with high-income inequality. (57m31s)
Influencing Preferences
- It is difficult to intentionally and permanently influence people's preferences about what they desire in a partner, even with conditioning techniques. (59m29s)
Positive Feelings and Memory
- Positive feelings about partners can stem from a general sense retrieved from memory or from specific significant moments, both positive and negative, that are particularly memorable. (1h1m52s)
Polyamorous Relationships
- Research on polyamorous relationships, which examines individuals' experiences across multiple partners, offers valuable insights into relationship dynamics and preferences. (1h4m43s)
- Paul Eastwick will release a book in approximately 18 months. (1h5m44s)
- People can follow Paul Eastwick on Twitter at Paul Eastwick. (1h5m40s)
- A selection of clips from the podcast is available to watch. (1h6m0s)