146. Self-Talk Refresh: Change Your Internal Dialogue to Communicate Better with Others | Think...

Introduction (00:00:00)

• Jenny Tates, a clinical psychologist and assistant clinical professor in Psychiatry at UCLA, will discuss stress management.

Understanding the Stress Cycle (00:00:51)

• Stress can be multiplied by negative thinking and physical responses.
• People often get lost in negative thoughts, experience physical stress responses, and then act emotionally or avoid the situation.
• For example, thinking a task is too much can lead to feeling overwhelmed and avoiding the task.

Practical Tips for Managing Stress (00:02:38)

• Being mindful of how our actions can escalate stress allows us to find ways to make things easier for ourselves.
• Anxiety spirals can be managed using various tools and techniques.
• Tools for resetting the mind, body, and behavior can be helpful in managing stress.
• We have three states of mind: emotion mind, reasonable mind, and wise mind.
• Emotion mind is driven by feelings, while wise mind is where our head and heart overlap.
• Catching ourselves in emotion mind and changing our relationship with our thoughts can be helpful.
• A playful way to amplify this is to sing unwanted thoughts to an upbeat tune.
• Relaxing our facial expression can create a landscape for more acceptance.
• Slightly raising the upper corners of our lips can help us feel less judgmental and less rebellious against what is.
• Opposite action or approaching what we want to avoid can be a helpful behavior reset.
• When stressed, we tend to do things that make us more stressed.
• Thinking about what we would do if we were feeling differently and taking one step forward can help us manage stress.

Addressing Overthinking and Rumination (00:05:50)

• Overthinking and rumination can perpetuate negative emotions and behaviors.
• Awareness of beliefs about overthinking is crucial for motivation to change.
• Overthinking often stems from attempts to manage emotions.
• Journaling about deep feelings for 20 minutes daily for 3 days can significantly reduce depression.
• Constructive processing of emotions is more effective than casual thinking.
• Many thoughts are unnecessary noise.
• Schedule a specific "rumination time" to limit overthinking.
• Practice mindfulness and meditation to focus on the present moment.
• Engage in physical activities to distract the mind and release tension.
• Seek professional help if overthinking severely impacts daily life.

Swapping "Why" for "How" (00:08:45)

• Instead of ruminating on "why" something happened, focus on "how" to move forward.
• This shift in perspective creates a sense of agency and empowerment.
• It allows for problem-solving and the creation of a positive future.

Communicating Empathy (00:10:56)

• Effective communication involves showing empathy and making others feel seen and heard.
• The acronym "GIVE" can help individuals communicate empathy:
  • Gentle: Be respectful and kind in your communication.
  • Interested: Show genuine interest in the other person and their experiences.
  • Validate: Acknowledge and understand the other person's feelings.
  • Easy manner: Be approachable and easy to talk to.

The Final Three Questions (00:12:58)

• Smiling and being easygoing are more effective in connecting with people than trying to be witty or impressive.
• Channeling Mr. Rogers' approach of respect, curiosity, and connection can help reduce anxiety in everyday communication.
• Validating others is more fulfilling than seeking validation or trying to prove intelligence.
• Emotions come in waves, and reminding oneself of this can help manage stress.
• Radical acceptance of the present moment, without resisting change, can also help reduce stress.
• A positive view of one's ability to manage stress can have a contagious effect on others, creating a positive ripple effect.
• Sharon Salzberg is an admired communicator for her ability to share profound ideas in simple and memorable ways.
• Despite her initial fear of public speaking, she overcame it and became a leading mindfulness teacher.
• Her use of storytelling makes her teachings relatable and impactful.
• A successful communication recipe includes having an agenda, being clear, and actively listening.
• Losing track of the agenda or not listening attentively can hinder effective communication.

Conclusion (00:17:33)

• An agenda is key to avoid trivial conversations and gossip.
• Being present and multitasking are important for good communication.
• Articulating empathy makes people feel seen and valued.
• Jenny's insights, acronyms, and personal qualities are commendable.
• The podcast provides practical guidance based on experience and research.
• Listen to episodes 69 and 122 for more on stress and speaking anxiety.
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