Secret Agent: Send Your Children To A Village! How To Detect A Lie Instantly! - Evy Poumpouras

Intro (00:00:00)

• Evy Poumpouras is a former US Secret Service special agent who is now on a mission to help people benefit from the lessons she learned during her time in the Secret Service.
• She will share techniques, life lessons, and wisdom gained from her experiences.
• Everyone is motivated by something different.
• The biggest mistake people make is focusing on what they want instead of understanding the other person's motivational mindset.
• People focus too much on what is said and not enough on the tone and pitch of the voice.
• Simple things can be done to ensure people hear what is being said.
• Leaders like Bill Clinton and Barack Obama are not driven by emotion.
• The problem most people have is that they bring their feelings into decision-making, which is never a good idea.
• Evy shares a story about an undercover case where she thought her partner's life was in danger and had to pull out her gun.
• Evy encourages listeners to subscribe to the podcast and hit the notification bell to support the channel and get access to bigger guests in the future.

My Mission To Unlock People's Potential (00:02:22)

• Evy Poumpouras's mission is to help people become better versions of themselves.
• She believes that personal growth is a continuous process and that one should never stop learning and improving.
• Her book, "Becoming Bulletproof," emphasizes the importance of constant self-improvement.
• Evy Poumpouras's background as a New York City police officer and a US Secret Service agent contributed significantly to her wisdom and expertise.
• She was surrounded by elite performers and thinkers, which provided her with valuable learning opportunities.
• The training and experiences she gained in these roles helped shape her into the person she is today.
• She also acknowledges the influence of the people she worked with and the lessons she learned from them.
• Evy Poumpouras emphasizes the importance of practicing and honing one's skills, as well as being honest with oneself.
• In the Secret Service, excuses and feelings were not tolerated, which instilled a strong sense of discipline and focus on results.

How You Became A Secret Service Officer (00:05:05)

• Secret Service agents protect high-ranking government officials and investigate fraud and complex crimes, sometimes collaborating with other agencies.
• Agents may use undercover tactics, such as luring criminals to neutral countries for arrest, and may exploit criminals' motivations, such as greed, to their advantage.
• Former Secret Service agent Evy Poumpouras recounts an operation involving the apprehension of a Russian fraudster, which entailed transporting the individual from the Dominican Republic to various locations in the United States.
• To obtain evidence, Evy took a photo of the fraudster and her boyfriend by the Brooklyn Bridge, signaling for their arrest.
• Former CIA agent Andrew Bustamante emphasizes the importance of understanding an individual's motivations and desires in influencing their actions.

How To Get Someone To Do What You Want Them To (00:10:43)

• Understand their ideology and motivational mindset.
• Listen to them and pay attention to what they say.
• Don't focus on making people like you, focus on being competent and showing respect.

When You Listen To Someone They Like You More (00:13:10)

• People like to talk about themselves and feel heard.
• Don't focus on making people like you, focus on being competent and showing respect.
• Showing respect includes being on time, following through on your promises, being open and approachable, and non-judgmental.

You Need To Know About Them And Then You Can Start Asking The Right Questions (00:14:34)

• Build a connection by letting the other person reveal what matters to them.
• Listen and ask good questions to genuinely understand the other person.
• Avoid judgment to encourage open communication.
• People will show you what they care about if you stay silent and ask good questions.
• Be genuinely curious and non-judgmental to encourage open communication.
• Maintain a balance between warmth and authority, and respect boundaries.

How To Get Others To Respect You (00:18:18)

• Conflict resolution is crucial in interpersonal relationships, especially when dealing with disrespect.
• Address disrespectful behavior promptly and engage in healthy conflict resolution by discussing issues calmly and professionally.
• Be open to feedback and willing to make adjustments to improve the situation.
• Distinguish between genuine disrespect and your own ego feeling disrespected.
• Prioritize the common goal or objective over personal feelings during discussions or negotiations.

Is It Your Ego Or Have Your Boundaries Being Broken? (00:22:59)

• Reflect on whether someone's behavior is acceptable or if it crosses your boundaries.
• Avoid reacting immediately and consider if the person is trying to help or overstepping boundaries.
• Have a non-judgmental conversation to understand their perspective.
• Lead by example and admit your own mistakes to encourage others to do the same.
• Sometimes, it's necessary to make tough decisions and remove individuals who negatively impact the group.
• Evy Poumpouras discusses how to detect lies and protect children from potential dangers.
• She emphasizes the importance of teaching children about safety and being aware of their surroundings.
• Evy suggests sending children to a village to learn essential life skills and gain independence.
• Children in villages develop resilience, learn to solve problems, and become more self-reliant.
• Evy highlights the benefits of a village environment for children's personal growth and development.

How To Build Confidence (00:26:49)

• Confidence is built through mistakes, discipline, and the people you surround yourself with.
• Avoid people who are chaotic and negative, as their energy can affect you.
• Be aware of who you have conversations with and whose problems you solve.
• If someone's chaos is affecting you, move them to the outer part of your circle.
• Your core circle should be strong and constantly reassessed.
• Surround yourself with exceptional people (A-players) who like working with other A-players.

The Different Versions Of Ourselves We Create (00:29:34)

• People tend to attract like-minded individuals, creating a cycle of chaos or experience and maturity.
• Different versions of ourselves emerge in different contexts, such as in personal life, business, and public speaking.
• It's important to be aware of the different versions of ourselves and how they affect those around us.
• Effective leaders understand the importance of adapting their behavior to the specific environment and audience.

What I Learnt About Leadership From Working With 4 US Presidents (00:32:49)

• Learned resilience from observing US presidents.
• Despite facing criticism and insults, they maintained composure and performed their duties.
• This resilience inspired the author to believe in their own abilities.
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I Was In The Room When US Presidents Would Make Tough Decisions (00:35:47)

• US presidents make rational decisions based on facts, not emotions.
• They can debate and discuss without yelling or losing control.
• They have the ability to withstand their feelings and have tough conversations.
• Liars are often in control and setting the agenda.
• Competing with someone who can debate rationally can help detect lies.
• Emotional decision-making is not effective and can lead to regret.
• It's important to be objective and look at facts when making decisions.

My First Day Working For George Bush (00:38:36)

• Evy shares her experience working as a Secret Service agent for President George W. Bush.
• She describes her first assignment, which was to stand watch at a door for eight hours.
• A senior agent warned her to keep her phone off or on silent, as the President did not want to hear any phones going off during his briefings.
• Evy realized that the President was trying to create a focused and respectful environment by setting boundaries and eliminating distractions.
• She was impressed by how the President paid attention to small details and how his actions had a ripple effect on the overall environment.

Secret Service Training: Only 1% Make It Through (00:41:07)

• The Secret Service training process is rigorous and selective.
• Out of 1500 NYPD recruits, many quit during training.
• The US Secret Service Academy had 54 recruits, all hand-selected.
• Only 1% of all applications to the Secret Service are accepted.
• The selection process includes paperwork, essays, background checks, polygraph tests, and a written exam.
• Conditional offers of employment are given after passing all these requirements.
• Probationary period of 3 years after passing training.
• Liars often avoid eye contact and fidget excessively.
• They may also have difficulty recalling details of their story.
• Be aware of changes in their behavior or speech patterns.
• Pay attention to their body language and facial expressions.
• Trust your instincts and don't be afraid to ask questions.

The 1% Of People That Became Part Of The Secret Service (00:44:16)

• Secret Service looks for trustworthiness, integrity, and better qualified applicants.
• Drug usage was a disqualification due to the nature of the criminal cases worked.

How Can You Tell If Someone Is Lying To You? (00:46:06)

• Intuition is important in detecting lies.
• Create baselines of people's behavior and look for shifts or changes when asking sensitive questions.
• Follow up with curious questions to explore any detected shifts.

Who's The Biggest Liar You've Met? (00:48:16)

• The speaker, a former detective, shares a story about catching a criminal who was involved in an ATM skimming scam.
• The criminal was very cooperative and overly eager to help during the initial questioning, which raised the speaker's suspicions.
• Despite being shown photographic evidence, the criminal continued to deny his involvement in the scam.
• He even claimed that the photo of him at the ATM was not him, despite wearing the same hat as in the photo.
• The criminal never confessed, but the speaker had enough evidence to charge him with ATM fraud.
• Some guilty people tend to swear on religious beliefs or divine intervention to emphasize their innocence.
• This behavior can be a sign of deception.

Signs They're Lying To You (00:50:54)

• People who bring religious items like Bibles or rosaries to a polygraph test may be trying too hard to appear religious and trustworthy.
• Too much eye contact can be a sign of deception, but it depends on the person.
• Good eye contact shows confidence, self-assurance, and a sense of equality and relevance in a conversation.
• Eye contact also conveys authority and confidence without needing to explicitly state it.
• It shows that the person is present, engaged, and actively listening to the other person.
• Body language can also indicate deception, particularly in individuals with low self-esteem who may struggle with eye contact and make themselves appear smaller.

What Your Body Language Reveals About You (00:52:59)

• Genuine self-belief and confidence are essential for success, particularly in romantic relationships.
• Building self-confidence is a gradual process that involves self-improvement and a mindset shift.
• True confidence comes from self-sufficiency and the realization that external validation is unnecessary for personal fulfillment.
• Evy Poumpouras became a magnet for people after she stopped seeking approval and started trusting herself.
• Despite facing rejection and gossip while growing up, Evy developed resilience and learned to stay her course.
• Evy's career as a Secret Service agent was met with skepticism and trivialization from her community.
• Some men, especially those lacking confidence, may struggle with strong women like Evy.

Do Men Struggle With Strong Women? (01:00:19)

• The speaker's husband is steady and sovereign, allowing her to pursue her goals without hindrance.
• She had her first child at 45 and her daughter is now 18 months old.
• The speaker expresses concern about her daughter's potential laziness and tendency to blame others.

What Advice Would You Give Your Daughter Become A Resilient Person (01:01:00)

• The speaker believes in fostering resilience in her daughter.
• She controls her daughter's media consumption to prevent negative influences.
• She avoids giving her daughter a cell phone or allowing her to watch TV.
• The speaker believes that instant gratification and social media can negatively impact children.
• She wants her daughter to learn hard work and avoid laziness, depression, and anxiety.
• The speaker carefully considers her daughter's education and exposure to different environments.
• She takes her daughter to a village in Greece every summer to experience a simpler lifestyle.
• The speaker emphasizes the importance of saving money and not splurging on luxuries like business class flights.
• She encourages her daughter to be independent and self-sufficient.

What Do You Work Out Your Mind And Body (01:04:37)

• The mind and body are connected and should be worked out together.
• Exercise can help relieve stress and improve mental health.
• Taking care of the body is important for overall well-being.
• Fear is a natural emotion that can be useful, but it should not control one's life.
• Building resilience and overcoming fear is important for personal growth.
• Facing fears and taking risks can lead to positive outcomes.
• Seeking help and support from others can be beneficial in overcoming fear.

What Was The Scariest Day Of Your Career? (01:07:19)

• Former Secret Service agent Evy Poumpouras shares a tense experience while chasing a suspect in downtown Manhattan.
• During a briefing, they noticed a man running out of a jewelry store and pursued him to a parking garage, where they lost sight of him.
• After clearing the area and searching the garage, they found the suspect hiding under a car.
• Due to his suspicious behavior and refusal to show his hands, Poumpouras faced a difficult decision of whether to shoot but ultimately chose not to, and her partner apprehended the suspect safely.
• Poumpouras reflects on the mental health challenges they faced during their career, including anxiety and depression, and the discomfort they feel discussing these issues due to the nature of their former profession.

How Was Your Mental Health During Your Career? (01:12:28)

• Evy Poumpouras believes it is acceptable to experience negative emotions and advocates for normalizing these feelings rather than relying solely on medication for happiness.
• Her life's focus is on fulfillment and accomplishment, not just happiness.
• Due to resource limitations and varying environments, she sometimes found it challenging to protect certain individuals, like Barbara Bush's daughter.
• Certain aspects of her work, such as technical details of security systems, positioning strategies, and attack preparation scenarios, remain confidential to prevent potential misuse by malicious actors.
• In the past, a high level of trust among secret agents eliminated the need for non-disclosure agreements (NDAs), but an agent's breach of trust led to their implementation.
• As a woman in a male-dominated field, Evy Poumpouras encountered prejudice and experienced imposter syndrome.

Discrimination In The Secret Service (01:17:48)

• Evy Poumpouras discusses the discrimination she faced as a woman in the Secret Service.
• She rejects the term "imposter syndrome" and believes she earned her position through hard work.
• She attributes her success to her naivety and ignorance, which allowed her to avoid the self-doubt that often affects women in male-dominated fields.
• Despite facing challenges, she asserts her right to be in those environments and refuses to let others' disrespect diminish her sense of self-worth.

How To Be Heard And Respected (01:19:39)

• Effective communication involves intention and value, with valuable contributions leading to increased attention and respect.
• When speaking, project your voice, maintain eye contact, and use appropriate tone and pitch to ensure you are heard and respected.
• Consider the value of your contribution before speaking, as silence can be valuable if you have nothing meaningful to add.
• Evy Poumpouras values being surrounded by smart people and learning from them, as demonstrated in a meeting with her agent Sylvie and manager about a TV project.
• Poumpouras recommends "Perfect T" energy drink for maintaining focus during conversations and discussions, offering a 10% discount code "diary10" when purchased from Tesco, Waitrose, or online.
• Poumpouras emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility and compares avoiding it to holding a mirror up to oneself.

Why You Need To Take Personal Responsibility (01:25:51)

• Blaming external factors for one's circumstances hinders personal growth and change.
• Some individuals resist taking personal responsibility and adopt a victim mentality, finding comfort in their misery and using it as their identity.
• Holding onto past traumas and hardships can impede progress and prevent individuals from moving forward.
• Acknowledging and processing difficult experiences is important, but excessive dwelling can be counterproductive.
• Therapy or counseling should focus on moving forward rather than constantly reliving past events.
• People who constantly relive their trauma and make it their identity may resist attempts to help them move on.
• Holding onto trauma and allowing it to define one's identity can lead to fear, anxiety, and avoidance of triggering situations.
• It's crucial to recognize when someone is fixated on their trauma and make informed decisions about engaging with them, especially in contexts like hiring, dating, or forming close relationships.
• Individuals should take ownership of their lives and actively work to overcome their trauma rather than letting it control their actions and decisions.

The Addiction To Being A Victim (01:33:48)

• Some people are addicted to being victims and disempowered.
• They don't want to take responsibility for their choices and decisions.
• They prefer to blame circumstances and play the victim.
• This can be a way of life for some people.
• Bad things happen to people, but it doesn't mean they can't do something about it.
• Some people genuinely want to move forward, while others just want to talk about their problems.

Identifying Victims That Don't Want To Change (01:35:02)

• People who frequently use "I" statements and are highly depressed, anxious, self-focused, and emotionally based may be "identitying."
• Reliving trauma or complaining can lead to addiction to the cortisol and adrenaline hits associated with the fight-flight-freeze response, making it difficult for individuals to let go of their traumatic experiences.
• Trauma has become a badge of honor, with people competing to see who has experienced the most trauma, providing a sense of community, belonging, and purpose.
• Individuals should strive to maintain their individuality while being part of a group and not letting their identity be solely defined by their traumatic experiences.
• Evy Poumpouras, a former secret agent, shares a particularly intriguing story from her career.

Undercover Missions (01:39:47)

• Evy Poumpouras, a former undercover agent, shares her experience working on a case involving an organized crime ring selling passports and birth certificates to criminals and terrorists.
• To gain the criminals' trust and obtain the necessary documents, she went undercover as a sex trafficking victim from an Eastern Bloc country.
• During her first meeting with the criminals, she prioritized her safety by refusing to get into their car, ensuring that the agents watching her could see her at all times.
• She successfully handed over the agreed-upon payment of $5,000 and was instructed to return in two weeks.
• Poumpouras also describes her experience working on a case involving a Polish passport forger. She gained his trust by bringing him more clients, who were actually undercover agents and police officers.
• Poumpouras felt safe during her undercover work because her appearance and speech did not fit the typical profile of an agent, leading people to underestimate her.

Discrimination In The Job (01:45:24)

• Evy Poumpouras, a former interrogator, discusses the significance of viewing underestimation as an advantage despite facing it due to her appearance and gender.
• Poumpouras recounts an incident in Botswana where she was mistaken for a staff member due to her appearance, emphasizing the need to prioritize certain concerns while disregarding others.
• She reflects on attending a polygraph school run by the Department of Defense, where she was the only female agent and her colleague, K, was the only black agent, highlighting the importance of addressing disparities and supporting underrepresented individuals.
• Poumpouras shares an anecdote about K, who believed he was being discriminated against due to his race and gender, which affected his behavior and caused him to isolate himself. She intervened and encouraged her colleagues to include him, raising the question of whether the actual discrimination or the belief in being discriminated against can cause more harm.

Labelling Yourself Can Affect The Way You See Yourself (01:50:58)

• Evy Poumpouras shares her personal experiences with discrimination and prejudice, particularly as a female special agent.
• She emphasizes the importance of not letting discrimination define one's self-worth and highlights the challenges she faced due to different performance standards based on gender.
• Poumpouras stresses the need for equal opportunities and fair treatment while acknowledging the systemic nature of discrimination.
• She discusses the concept of labeling theory and its negative impact on individuals, especially in the context of race and gender.
• Poumpouras suggests setting boundaries, focusing on one's own performance, and creating a mental barrier to protect oneself from negative energy and interactions.
• Her book, "Becoming Bulletproof," provides practical advice on self-protection, reading people, influencing situations, and living fiercely.
• Evy Poumpouras' vulnerability and ability to articulate wisdom in relatable ways make her an inspiration to many, and her book is recommended for both men and women seeking personal and professional growth.